Cruzin with Sophia

Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts

The storm

I can't wait until the calm after the storm. Yes, that's right, I said it BACKWARDS! That's just the way it is in the military, especially during a pcs. I know this isn't technically a pcs because I am moving on my own, but it sure does feel like it. I love moving, but I can't wait until that final moment when we arrive at our destination with nothing to do.

No more packing, scheduling, fixing, cleaning, organizing, and donating!

This is my first move with a little munchkin. She's all sorts of craziness, I mean can't you just tell by the way her mismatched socks are styling on her tiny feet? Love this kid! She's made the entire process a little more difficult. She's a big fan of "helping". She likes to throw out everything I put into boxes, which requires me packing everything, essentially, twice LOL.

See this here? This is the sun room, aka the ~~shove everything out of view room~~. We have our deployment gear to the right of the shot, boxes of books, all of my jewelry and crafts by the coffee table and more empty boxes. Oh and what's that pole there? Well that's our floor lamp, it has been evicted from the living room because miss sassy pants like to climb it, which typically results in injury.

Dirty laundry clothes to the left, and an empty bin awaiting things for storage. and a random headband that Sophia dropped.

My donations to Goodwill, aka clothes I haven't worn in like 3 years but still like to carry around from state to state.

and viola! this is the end :) or rather the beginning of craziness, I haven't even started packing yet :(

slacker

Um, oops? I haven't updated in a really long time. I guess I'm slacking! We went a nice long (is 10 days long?) family vacation. We headed to Chicago to visit family and enjoyed it so much that I decided to move back. My decision is firm now and I will certainly be moving. It was hard to come back to Columbus, it's never been this hard to leave family.

I've had a pretty hard time adjusting in Columbus. I'm not sure if it's because I have a baby now and no car, which means I cant go anywhere or just the lack of fellowship. I just feel like everyone is so busy, like time doesn't stop at all. I hate it. I really loved being at other posts because I was able to sorta join other families. I never felt left out, and we always had several homes open to us to just stop by and hang out. It felt nice, warm, and welcoming. Being here, I don't get that. I know there are a lot of people that love us and will have us over, but it's never like "hey, I'm bored" or "hey, I'm having a bad day, can I come over?". I feel like we have to have a formal invitation to be welcome for a few hours. There's just so much going on. I don't blame anyone, but it's been hard.

I guess I've had it too good for too long huh? I love my church, and I love my friends... but I need more closeness. I will need it even more when Joel leaves. I can't stand the thought of not being able to just drop in on someone when the loneliness hits me. That's why I'm going home. I will keep myself busy with my best friend and family. If I ever need a day alone or some shopping to just push the loneliness away, I know I have my mom and mil. They love my daughter and that comforts me. It makes me happy to know that I can drop in and have them enjoy her for a few months since she's been away from them most of their lives.

For now, I have four weeks to pack, find somewhere to store our stuff, figure out how to haul a trailer and move cross country for the fourth time in FOUR YEARS :) gotta love the army!

honestly frustrated

I don't know how to be honest with myself about the feelings of frustration I've had to deal with. This is something I wish someone told me about. I know they said motherhood would be hard, but I never really gave this a second thought. It was always in the back of my mind but not something that I really meditated on.

I love my daughter beyond words, she's one of the greatest things to ever happen to me! She brings me so much love and joy every single day. When she was born it was pure bliss, seriously- I hardly slept! I was so enamored with this precious little baby. She was born with a full head of beautiful brown hair and big brown eyes- I was so in love!

Now that she is seven months old, crawling, and exploring the world of shrieking and frustration- well now it's a different ball game. I wish someone would have told me that this was normal, that this didn't make me a bad mother. That sometimes wanting to just "sit" was normal, we all get tired after all!

I admit there are times, like two nights ago, that are totally wrong but it happens to all of us. Sophia woke up from her nap, and I popped in a workout video thinking she would be okay to play through it. WRONG. She kinda whined and moaned through the first ten minutes and I Was SO frustrated because I knew she didn't want anything! A few minutes later I felt beyond horrible because I knew it was just my selfishness. It's all perspective and heart after all. We have good days and we have bad days, but it all depends on how *I* feel because she never really does anything different (unless she's teething). She's a sweet little baby just trying to communicate her frustrations, she doesn't know that whining all day is draining to mommy's ears :)

This may seem stupid to some because she's only seven months but I shut the video off and talked to her. I told her I was sorry for being selfish and thanked God for showing me that. I was feeling drained and just played with her instead, that's all she wanted. I hope that as she gets older I will be able to communicate my failures and sin in hopes of her coming to understand grace.

selfless

This week, I am learning about being selfless. Little Sophia is battling a cold for 2 1/2 weeks now. It has developed into a double ear infection, bronchiolitis, and diarrhea- ouch! She's been waking up 1-2 hours earlier and battling every nap, when she does finally go down: her coughing wakes her up!

I am tired and she is cranky to say the least. I am learning to be selfless with my time & my sleep! It's so hard to not WANT to go crawl under the covers and just sleep. I have to keep remind myself that if I'm feeling cranky and tired, she must be feeling 10x's worse. Please keep us in your prayers for a speedy recovery and a patient loving Mommy.

In other news: Sophia is crawling!!! She is getting into EVERYTHING! She wants to eat every power cord she can, including but not limited to: PlayStation control charger, Daddy's cell phone charger, Mommy's computer charger, & her monitor. It's been challenging running after her, but very fun to see her chubby little legs go!

Enjoy the photo bomb of her being a little trouble maker!!!

So Mommy had to strap me into my car seat to feed me because I kept rolling and crawling everywhere! Then she left me in there for 20 minutes so she could have a cup of coffee!!!